The reasons why i divorced my wife

"The children only start behaving bad when you're around"
"What's that smell?" *Looks at me* (It's never me)
"One of us has to be the responsible one"
"He's been an annoyance for the last 15 years"

Biochar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svNg5w7WY0k

https://www.chelseagreen.com/2019/how-to-make-biochar/

What you need to know before you get married

• All of your current and previous expectations of marriage are wrong
• Think of each person as a unique machine, requiring unique amounts of variable inputs at variable times, and producing variable outputs at variable times, depending on the inputs being fed in
• A marriage is like having the inputs and outputs of two of these machines connected to each other, in addition to each other machine in their lives
• Sometimes, things may synchronize beautifully, and each machine produces exactly what is required by the other machine
• Most times however, it is just a random mish mash of inputs and outputs, and randomly,  something useful gets produced, along with mostly wasted resources, and a lot of mess
• True happiness in a marriage comes from being able to truly and deeply understand both machines
• Before you get married, understand exactly what the other person truly needs, how much of it, and how often
• Understand exactly what the other person produces, how much of it, and how often
• Examine yourself truthfully and without bias
• Can you provide what they need? In the right amounts? At the right rate?
• Can they provide what you need? In the right amounts? At the right rate?
• If the gap is too large, do not be afraid to walk away
• Unhappy marriage does not benefit anyone. You are doing everyone a favor by avoiding it
• Things will never be perfect, there will always be wasted resources, there will always be mess and failure.
• Learn how to deal with it without blaming anyone
• People will change as the situations change. Look at their current family as a reference guide for what their future behaviour may look like
• As each child comes along, behaviour changes drastically
• As money comes along, or is lost, behaviour changes drastically

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Some Buddhist Advice

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• According to Buddhist teaching, in a marriage, the husband can expect the following qualities from his wife:
  • — love
  • — attentiveness
  • — family obligations
  • — faithfulness
  • — child-care
  • — thrift
  • — the provision of meals
  • — to calm him down when he is upset
  • — sweetness in everything
  In return, the wife's expectation from husband is:
  • — tenderness
  • — courtesy
  • — sociability
  • — security
  • — fairness
  • — loyalty
  • — honesty
  • — good companionship
  • — moral support
• What to expect of your wife
• a) not harbor evil thoughts against her husband;
• b) not be cruel, harsh or domineering;
• c) not be spendthrift but should be economical and live within her means;
• d) guard and save her husband's hard-earned earnings and property;
• e) always be attentive and chaste in mind and action;
• f) be faithful and harbor no thought of any adulterous acts;
• g) be refined in speech and polite in action;
• h) be kind, industrious and hardworking;
• i) be thoughtful and compassionate towards her husband, and her attitude should equate that of a mother's love and concern for the protection of her only son;
• j) be modest and respectful;
• k) be cool, calm and understanding — serving not only as a wife but also as a friend and advisor when the need arises.
• What to do as a husband
• The Buddha, in reply to a householder as to how a husband should minister to his wife declared that the husband should always honor and respect his wife, by being faithful to her, by giving her the requisite authority to manage domestic affairs and by giving her befitting ornaments. This advice, given over twenty five centuries ago, still stands good for today.

Rules for happy family

• https://www.ted.com/talks/bruce_feiler_agile_programming_for_your_family#t-973400
•  
• Adapt all the time
• Empower your children
• Tell your story
• Always Try to achieve happiness. Believe that it is possible.

Get Out! Go Away!

These words hold so much weight. And can cause so much pain, especially when used unfairly, out of frustration and anger.

My son does not like to sleep.
I offer to take him to the other bedroom to allow my wife to sleep.
Of course he cries to no end about wanting to stay with mummy.
Wife then mutters something about daddy being of no help, then Get out! Go Away!

And i have to hold back and pretend that i am not hurt.
I have to pretend that right now everything is okay.

Everything is not okay.
A piece of me has again..permanently died.

There is no recourse.
There is no fixing this.
She isn't going to come and say sorry.
Instead, she will stay up til the wee hours on her phone, then wake up and complain she got no sleep because of child crying, and giving me dirty looks because "daddy is of no help"

If i was actually no help, this would not bother me as much as it does.
I would not be up writing this garbage if it didn't bother me.
This is all i can do to prevent me from breaking something, or doing something stupid.

It is so easy to drive someone else to do completely mad things.
Be wary of the words you speak.
Frustration and anger are not excuses.

Realizations

"I have no expectations because you don't have enough money"

She dropped this line on me while attempting to discuss her birthday plans, which she decided to cancel because she agreed that we are having financial problems.

I pay for everything.
I pay for her office.
I pay for the children.
I pay for her expenses.
I pay for myself.

Her reckless spending has gotten us into this hole, which i had tried to avoid many times in the past, but to no avail.
She does not listen.
All she wants to do is continue with the lifestyle she currently has, regardless of financial reality, and the fact that she is not making any money, and totally expecting me to just foot all of the bills.
If i ever bring up any kind of conversation about alternatives, and what we can do, she doesn't want to hear about it.
This basically sounds like a plan to bleed me dry and then walk out when the money is done.
I feel like the only solution at this point is to just not have any money, so there will be nothing to bleed, and see what happens from there.

How to learn anything

1. Decide on a goal
2. Deconstruct into the smallest skills (subskills) required
1. Practice each of those subskills first
3. Research
1. Choose 3-5 resources and skim them
2. Look for common recurring themes, advice, ideas
3. Focus on those
4. Self-correct as you practice
4. Remove barriers to practice
1. Remove all distractions
2. commit to practice time or practice goals
5. Commit to 20 hours of focused practice time before you begin