Get Out! Go Away!

These words hold so much weight. And can cause so much pain, especially when used unfairly, out of frustration and anger.

My son does not like to sleep.
I offer to take him to the other bedroom to allow my wife to sleep.
Of course he cries to no end about wanting to stay with mummy.
Wife then mutters something about daddy being of no help, then Get out! Go Away!

And i have to hold back and pretend that i am not hurt.
I have to pretend that right now everything is okay.

Everything is not okay.
A piece of me has again..permanently died.

There is no recourse.
There is no fixing this.
She isn't going to come and say sorry.
Instead, she will stay up til the wee hours on her phone, then wake up and complain she got no sleep because of child crying, and giving me dirty looks because "daddy is of no help"

If i was actually no help, this would not bother me as much as it does.
I would not be up writing this garbage if it didn't bother me.
This is all i can do to prevent me from breaking something, or doing something stupid.

It is so easy to drive someone else to do completely mad things.
Be wary of the words you speak.
Frustration and anger are not excuses.

Realizations

"I have no expectations because you don't have enough money"

She dropped this line on me while attempting to discuss her birthday plans, which she decided to cancel because she agreed that we are having financial problems.

I pay for everything.
I pay for her office.
I pay for the children.
I pay for her expenses.
I pay for myself.

Her reckless spending has gotten us into this hole, which i had tried to avoid many times in the past, but to no avail.
She does not listen.
All she wants to do is continue with the lifestyle she currently has, regardless of financial reality, and the fact that she is not making any money, and totally expecting me to just foot all of the bills.
If i ever bring up any kind of conversation about alternatives, and what we can do, she doesn't want to hear about it.
This basically sounds like a plan to bleed me dry and then walk out when the money is done.
I feel like the only solution at this point is to just not have any money, so there will be nothing to bleed, and see what happens from there.

How to learn anything

1. Decide on a goal
2. Deconstruct into the smallest skills (subskills) required
1. Practice each of those subskills first
3. Research
1. Choose 3-5 resources and skim them
2. Look for common recurring themes, advice, ideas
3. Focus on those
4. Self-correct as you practice
4. Remove barriers to practice
1. Remove all distractions
2. commit to practice time or practice goals
5. Commit to 20 hours of focused practice time before you begin