- All of your current and previous expectations of marriage are wrong
- Think of each person as a unique machine, requiring unique amounts of variable inputs at variable times, and producing variable outputs at variable times, depending on the inputs being fed in
- A marriage is like having the inputs and outputs of two of these machines connected to each other, in addition to each other machine in their lives
- Sometimes, things may synchronize beautifully, and each machine produces exactly what is required by the other machine
- Most times however, it is just a random mish mash of inputs and outputs, and randomly, something useful gets produced, along with mostly wasted resources, and a lot of mess
- True happiness in a marriage comes from being able to truly and deeply understand both machines
- Before you get married, understand exactly what the other person truly needs, how much of it, and how often
- Understand exactly what the other person produces, how much of it, and how often
- Examine yourself truthfully and without bias
- Can you provide what they need? In the right amounts? At the right rate?
- Can they provide what you need? In the right amounts? At the right rate?
- If the gap is too large, do not be afraid to walk away
- Unhappy marriage does not benefit anyone. You are doing everyone a favor by avoiding it
- Things will never be perfect, there will always be wasted resources, there will always be mess and failure.
- Learn how to deal with it without blaming anyone
- People will change as the situations change. Look at their current family as a reference guide for what their future behaviour may look like
- As each child comes along, behaviour changes drastically
- As money comes along, or is lost, behaviour changes drastically
------------------------------------------
Some Buddhist Advice
------------------------------------------
- According to Buddhist teaching, in a marriage, the husband can expect the following qualities from his wife:
- — love
- — attentiveness
- — family obligations
- — faithfulness
- — child-care
- — thrift
- — the provision of meals
- — to calm him down when he is upset
- — sweetness in everything
In return, the wife's expectation from husband is:- — tenderness
- — courtesy
- — sociability
- — security
- — fairness
- — loyalty
- — honesty
- — good companionship
- — moral support
- What to expect of your wife
- a) not harbor evil thoughts against her husband;
- b) not be cruel, harsh or domineering;
- c) not be spendthrift but should be economical and live within her means;
- d) guard and save her husband's hard-earned earnings and property;
- e) always be attentive and chaste in mind and action;
- f) be faithful and harbor no thought of any adulterous acts;
- g) be refined in speech and polite in action;
- h) be kind, industrious and hardworking;
- i) be thoughtful and compassionate towards her husband, and her attitude should equate that of a mother's love and concern for the protection of her only son;
- j) be modest and respectful;
- k) be cool, calm and understanding — serving not only as a wife but also as a friend and advisor when the need arises.
- What to do as a husband
- The Buddha, in reply to a householder as to how a husband should minister to his wife declared that the husband should always honor and respect his wife, by being faithful to her, by giving her the requisite authority to manage domestic affairs and by giving her befitting ornaments. This advice, given over twenty five centuries ago, still stands good for today.
