Habits for Mental Health

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YbWRqsnHdo

1. Smile - Think of someone or something that makes you happy. Smile about it. Real smile for one minute
2. Be Mindful - Be aware of the thoughts and ideas coming into your brain. Create a buffer zone. Organize the inputs. Actively identify negative or poisonous thoughts, and do not allow them into your brain to affect your mental state
3. Breathe - Close eyes, Focus on deep breathing for one minute

How to be a good Husband

Growing up, i always thought i knew what it meant to "be a man".
Only now do i realize that no one ever taught me how to "be a husband"
I guess i followed the example set by my parents, and i assumed that was the correct thing to do.
It had never occurred to me that my parents were doing it wrong, and that they had no clue how to treat each other well.
I realized that this is something families do not discuss.

This is the vicious cycle i can clearly see happening now that i am in the situation.

• "Single Boy" and "Single Girl" personalities fall in love, they get married
• "Husband" and "Wife" have Child 1
• "Husband" attempts to become "Daddy" by using his experience from his own parents, and tries to improve on the perceived shortcomings of his parents
• "Wife" attempts to become "Mommy" by using her experience from her own parents, and tries to improve on the perceived shortcomings of her parents
• "Daddy" and "Mommy" slowly start to realize they no longer love each other the same way, because they are no longer "Single Boy" and "Single Girl"
• Child 2 comes along
• "Daddy" tries to continue "Single Boy" behaviour in an effort to recapture his lost self-image
• "Mommy tries to continue "Single Girl" behaviour in an effort to recapture her lost self-image" 
• They both drive themselves crazy trying to achieve something that can never be regained
• They are both so caught up in trying to regain their past selves, they do not focus on becoming "Husband Daddy" and "Wife Mommy"
• The couple runs into problems, and decide to stay together for the kids
• They are stuck in the "Single Boy Daddy" with "Single Girl Mommy" dynamic, and instead, this is what they show the children
• The boys grow up believing that this is the correct way to be, and the "Single Boy Daddy" behaviour is mistaken as "Husband Daddy" behaviour, but it is not
• The girls grow up believing that this is the correct way to be, and the "Single Girl Mommy" behaviour is mistaken as "Wife Mommy" behaviour, but it is not
• The reality is, once parents get into the cycle of "Staying together for the kids" the kids no longer have a proper example of how to be a "Husband Daddy" or a "Wife Mommy", dooming them to future marriage problems

The Solution

• We need to focus more on being balanced Husband Daddy, and Wife Mommy, and not assume that what our parents were doing was correct
• Husband Daddy
• Never Criticize. Express your concerns without being critical. Focus on the situation, and not the person. Criticism from a spouse causes far more damage than either party realizes.
• Make special occasions special. This is not the place to try to save money.
• Don't sweat the small stuff. Everything is small stuff
• Get the kids to bed early. Schedule spouse time.
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