Family goals - Minimize conflict. Emotional navigation. Communication rules.

1. Conflict-Free household
1. You win if the children grow up and leave home in a conflict-free household
2. love, communication, companionship all come second and are not true goals
2. Use Wise Words 
1. Learn to control what you say, and how you say it. This is of utmost importance.
1. Avoid imprecise language. Global arguments invoke global responses.
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp9b2Hf7QWg
1. Dots communication https://dotscommunication.com/
2. Purple Dot https://dotscommunication.com/purple-dot/
1. Just tell me what you want. Lots of talking to themselves. "I Know"
2. WHAT. Must feel valued.
1. Lots of praise
3. Red Dot
1. Logical thought, bullet points. Just do it.
2. WHERE. Must be honest.
1. Give respect. Give control.
4. Yellow Dot
1. OCD. Puts up signs. Identify errors. Look for wins.
2. WHEN. Pictorialist. Time sensitive. Detail oriented
1. Take them out for a nice lunch in a pretty location
5. Blue Dots
1. Keep the peace. Feelings and sensations. Hand On, want things to go well. "I feel"
2.  WHY. Takes time to develop a "feel". Must feel secure and comfortable.
3. Learn Relationship Skills
1. Insight
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk
2. Mutuality
3. Emotion Regulation
4. Learn Emotional Rules/Laws
1. Personal Triggers based on historical events or upbringing
2. Awareness of personal, and other triggers
1. What's getting triggered in me?
2. What am i afraid of?
3. What is underneath that?
4. What do i need to heal in me to not respond like this, and remove this trigger?
1. Usually rooted in Pain, Fear, Shame
3. Avoid being triggered, or control trigger response
1. Uncertainty=Fear=Criticism=Unhelpful State (Defensive, Stop Listening, non-communicative)
4. Respond to the other person's need first with love and empathy
5. Positive Projection
1. Treat everyone the way you would treat the person you treat best